One more day. On wednesday my dad and I are headed to the east coast. we're going to be at the motherchurch (covenant life) at a songwriters retreat. i like traveling.

some recent photos...

I don't have too much to say, so here's a song that I just wrote a few minutes ago...

Verse:
Lord You hold my life in Your sovereignty
And I accept the plan that You have for me
When this journey's goal is obscured by night
When my heart would fail, Jesus hear my cry

Chorus:
Let Your strength be shown in my weakness
Let Your grace be known when I fall
Teach my heart to rely on Your promise:
That You'll never let me go
You will never let me go

Verse 2:
Christ You bore the wrath that was meant for me
You sought my wayward heart and You set me free
You put me on the path that would lead to You
But how I need Your grace to follow after You

Chorus:
Let Your strength be shown in my weakness
Let Your grace be known when I fall
Teach my heart to rely on Your promise:
That You'll never let me go
You will never let me go

off to kamloops to do some recording in my cousin's studio. should be good. should be fun.

Lately I've been struggling with legalism. I've been trusting in my own works to find merit in God's eyes, and I've been frustrated to find that, for the hundred billionth time in my life, I can't do it. I can't. I couldn't today, I won't be able to tomorrow or the day after. I won't ever be morally capable of gaining some sort of merit in God's eyes. My best deeds are stained with sin, and they can never atone for the things that I've done. The question that I've been struggling with is: Why do I do it? I'm like Paul doing his monologue on the connection between our minds and our hearts in Romans where he says:

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16 Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17 So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 21 So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. 22 For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, 23 but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? (Rom. 7:14-24)

There is a disconnect between my heart and my mind. In my mind I say "I know that all that I have to do is trust in Christ's death," but in my heart my sin continues to rage against such a surrender.

Thankfully there is hope. In response to his own question in verse 24, Paul exclaims "Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!". There is hope. It is in Jesus Christ and his work on the cross. That is the only hope.

(sorry for that long monologue of my own, but I was feeling encouraged and felt like doing a serious post on my blog...)
((i was browsing through some of the archives for my blog and found this little poem thing that I wrote and posted up quite a while back. as far as poetry goes, i don't really like it, but it fits in with the post, and it is written in a very similar manner to the way that my mind functions, as far as the logic goes...))

what would life be like if I,
loosened my prying grip to rest,
in faith on One who's promise never fails,
who's love can surely keep me through the test?
this life, where in my strength I can't prevail,
i long to cast myself on Him and yet,
my will is not so easily subdued,
restless it cries, "I can yet succeed",
and won't rely on grace, though it is free.
yet where is rest if not in Him?
or hope, if not within His wounds?
life is only found beneath His cross,
and joy runs freely from that fount,
Oh teach me Lord to bow,
my heart, my hope, and will,
Oh teach now me to lean on grace,
Oh teach me to be still.
this path would be a easy climb,
if I would only trust,
that Your own hand will guide me safe,
that You know what is best.

post?

i am guest posting for joe. and i am out of ideas. so. joe i love you

als-

Hindsight is 20/20

New (real) post coming soon.